Looking for a Fuckbuddy

We live at a time when forming sexual relationships is getting more and more complicated. We’re bombarded with information and statistics glamorizing dating and making it look so easy. TV shows such as “Sex and the City,” ‘The Bachelor” and many other “hook up” shows are all filled with images of pseudo-witty, independent and sexually “liberated” wannabes all wrapped up in Gucci, sipping pink cocktails and exploring Kama Sutra with a non-stop string of well to do suitors. But for many of us it’s not happening that way in real life.

Not only is dating frustrating, it appears we are quickly forgetting how to connect with the opposite sex in a meaningful, fulfilling and lasting way. We’re playing the Dating Game but no one seems to know what to do anymore.

Just the other day, a client described to me how she found herself arguing with a guy she really liked over who should pay for the meal. The ridiculous situation came up because of all the confusion over who pays for what and when it is a date. Often a man or woman will ask someone of the opposite sex out for coffee or to the movies thinking they are just hanging out. Then he or she offers to pay and the whole outing becomes “confusing” because the person begins wondering if it’s a “trick date”.

Why does something as natural as finding someone to be with have to be such a struggle?

Both men and women I have talked to tell me they think that the feminist revolution which ushered in so many great achievements and remarkable progress in gender equality also brought along confusion between the sexes leaving many vulnerable and confused. We seem to know our gender rights and boundaries in all areas except when it comes to sexual relationships. Here the boundaries become fuzzy and even keep shifting depending on the circumstances. I agree that there is so much confusion as to who does what, to who, for how long and when, I also think that there is an additional dynamic driving today’s dating game.

In the old days, men and women spent time getting to know each other often becoming good friends before the relationship became romantic and/or sexual. During a date, the man consciously tries to make a woman happy, doing everything he does to gain her attention and affection. The woman on the other hand encourages him with admiration, respect, and appreciation for even the smallest things he does for her. But these days it sort of works backwards. It starts out with mostly romantic dinners, romantic emails, expensive gifts and sex and then it builds into a friendship - that is if a couple even ever gets to the friendship level.

Author: Christine Akiteng

Check out if you are using online services properly. Using online personals does not seem to be a daunting task. This is why most people don’t get any results out of it - everything seems to be so simple, just post a profile and start dating!

1. GIVING IT A TRY
Be more positive, don’t just run it up the flag pole and see if anyone salutes it. There is someone waiting out there for you, and hoping to find them is too negative an attitude. Maximize your chances now.

2. IT IS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO FIND SOMEONE, THEY WILL HAVE TO FIND ME
Contact others first, even if it means you have to pay for a premium membership. Most people will respond to someone showing an interest. On a large site with a huge data base who is going to find you.

3. NEVER SEND OUT THE SAME LETTERS TO MORE THAN ONE PERSON
This is not only lazy but rude. How do you expect anyone to show an interest in you, when their is nothing personal in the communication. There can’t be because you are sending them to more than one person. Take the time and make the effort and write individually to each person you are really interested in .

4. PUT SOME EFFORT INTO YOUR PROFILE
Write a letter that has something to make someone else interested in you. Don’t just say “Hi, how about reading my profile” How captivating is that, you have shown less than an interest, you are asking for your communication to be deleted - Make the effort.

5. DO YOU FOLLOW UP YOUR LETTERS
If you have not recieved an answer then get on to that person again and ask them if they have received your letter. However, check that they can reply to you before sending a letter. Ask the recipient of your communication to have the courtesy of a reply, even if they are not interested. Explain that this stops you writing letters to loads of people and you will not be able to reply to some.

6. WHEN CONTACTING SOMEONE BE INTERESTING
Tell them more than how you think and who they are. Flatter them - tell them what was so interesting in their profile, even if it’s just plain looks. The other person can always read your profile, tell them something interesting and different & pique there interest levels. Be the right guy for HER. If you do not fit her requirements 100%, tell her why it won’t be a problem. You pride yourself as having a great sense of humor? Back up your claim - make her laugh! From the first line, your letter should grab her attention and she should not be able to stop reading until the end. BOTTOM LINE: Write interesting letters - the type of letters you would like to receive.

7. LIMIT YOUR CONTACTS.
Your are looking for someone special. If you contact too many people, you may be deluged with responses. Make sure that you can follow through.

8. GIVING UP
“It just doesn’t work for me”. Compare profiles and find out why it is not working for you.

Author: Roy Barker

The heat is on. You can literally feel it arcing between you. Whether it’s an enticing stranger you’ve just met or a special someone you’ve been slowly getting to know, you’re aware that now is the time to take your connection to the physical level. You can sense that she’s about ready to hop into bed and you damn well know that you are. So how do you make this first time with someone new a glorious moment you’ll both fondly remember rather than a nightmare you’d just as soon forget?

Drawing inspiration from both contemporary psychology and ancient spiritual traditions, Catherine Wallace presents her vision of marriage as an art and a spiritual exercise. The rewards are limitless: properly nurtured, our sexual needs and vulnerabilities turn out not to be liabilities but powerful, generative gifts. At a time when emotional commitments are increasingly fragile and short-lived, Wallace makes a direct and eloquent plea on behalf of sexual fidelity-its blessings, its demands, its moral and emotional necessity. I argued throughout the preceding chapter, in various ways, that sexual desire is far more than a simple physiological need. Sexual desire is powerfully and intricately interwoven with the deepest levels of human identity and with the most difficult questions we have about who we are or what it means to be human. Sexual desire can be repressed, or it can be heedlessly indulged, or it can become a calculated part of a marketplace exchange. Or, I will propose in this chapter, sexual desire can be integrated into the whole of who we are. The question, of course, is how. How or where does sexual desire “belong” in the whole that we are?

Author–Catherine M. Wallace

Have you ever given much thought to the differences between the sexual fantasies typically conjured up by men and women? Men, it seems, tend to have more sexual fantasies than women and these are more likely to be paired with masturbation. Men, by nature being visual, are likely to create graphic images of women’s sexual bodies and imagine watching them, seducing them or, quite often, being seduced by them. For a male, the story line of a fantasy is uaually quite genital and accompanied with explicit visual images.   Women, in general, fantasize less than their male counterparts. Those women who do fantasize are typically less visual in their sexual fantasies, are usually less focused on genitals, and are more likely to construct a story with the emotional feelings of a romantic encounter. Women also tend to involve more olfactory and auditory memories… memories of smells and sounds. To be sure, however, there are women who masturbate to their fantasies, be they romantic or erotic.
 
Sexual fantasies can serve many purposes. They can induce sexual desire, maintain sexual arousal, enhance the sexual experience, trigger an orgasm, and preserve a memory.  

Author–Robert W. Birch  

Once upon a time sex was enjoyed without shame, as a gift of God, Goddess, the Great Spirit - an act of joy, of devotion, something perfectly natural and wholly divine - all at the same time.  Once upon a time the goddesses were venerated as the embodiment of love, passion, and sex, which were considered holy when performed in reverence for and in service of the female divinity.

But the mindset of patriarchy killed off the Goddess more than five thousand years ago. She was constrained to submission at worst, or virginal purity and celibacy at best; her divinity denied. With that, the idea of sexuality as spirituality, as something inherently divine, was eradicated for all women - young and old. Indeed, for all men as well!  Sexuality was severed from spirituality and became its extreme opposite; sex was dirty, primitive, and instinctual (and feminine in nature), while spirituality was pure and clean and transcendent (and masculine in nature).

In the West, however, it was only from our Bible onwards that sexuality became a sin, the means by which the devil could tempt mankind into damnation, a shameful necessity of physical gratification that was obscene and dirty. Only from our Bible onwards, were women considered inherently sinful and destined for eternal punishment.

Author–Hanna G Ruby

It can be a terrible ordeal for many of us. It seems to particularly strike when you are out on a date. The symptoms include: sweaty palms, forced laughter, awkward pauses, extended periods of uncomfortable silence and occasional desperate glances toward the nearest exit. It respects no person or title and has an incredible track record of ending relationships that otherwise would have blossomed. I am sure medical people have a term for it (they always do) but for the rest of us it is pretty basic. We are in trouble when it comes to making small talk.

Some people can be the life of the party with chit chat skills that rival Oprah. They seem to know what to say, when to say it and how. Is it gift? In a lot of ways the answer is yes but the ability to connect with people is not only for the chosen few.

You may not ever get your own daytime talk show but with a little practice and patience you can overcome any small talk obstacles in your dating relationship.

1. Develop Self Confidence

Without this one, it is extremely difficult to break thru the small talk barrier. It is not just a matter of speaking without being too self conscious; it also comes down to conveying the right body language. If your date sees that no matter how much you talk, you still look uncomfortable then the chances are pretty strong they will also feel uncomfortable.

Develop self confidence by engaging strangers in small talk. Whether you are in the grocery store checkout line or a crowded elevator, turn to the person next to you and start chatting. What do you talk about? Anything within reason and good taste; remember they are strangers. Talk about the weather, how slow the checkout line is moving, or ask people, “Is it Friday yet”?  That one can be a major icebreaker to anyone who holds down a nine to five job.

Author–Daryl Campbell

There is a wide range of people who practice anal sex. The reasons why people like to practice anal sex vary greatly. Some men and women say that anal sex enables them to reach orgasm, with or without simultaneous stimulation of their genitals (penis or clitoris). Generally, for women, pleasure is derived through anal intercourse due to the shared nerve endings that are located between the rectal wall and the vagina, and/or from indirect stimulation of the G-spot. The anus contains many nerves as well, which can also react in a pleasurable manner when excited.

Anal sex (stimulation from a finger, a toy, or the full Monty) is still a taboo subject for many people (and illegal is some states). Why some men like anal sex so much? Well, the main reason and most probably the main factor that stimulates men to practice anal sex is that this section is much more forbidden and not so popular among heterosexuals as vaginal sex. But there is a different question with women side and female have much more likes and dislikes about anal sex. So what do women hate about anal sex and what do they love in it?

For centuries, women have been defined by their innate ability to bond with other women. For this reason many social groups have been established on the basis of female comradery. Many people are not fully aware of the woman’s ability to communicate on a level that has not yet been understood by the male species. Truth be told, women have their own language. In this article we will explore 3 important facets of the female entity-Communication, Intuition, and Relationships.

Let’s begin with communication. Communication involves speaking and listening-neither one can stand alone. To set the record straight, women in general do not talk too much. The truth of the matter is that women have a talent for communicating. With this said, females have a need to express thoughts and feelings to the point of trying to get the other party to understand. Unfortunately, the other party, in most cases, hasn’t realized the strong need that women have to be listened to. It’s that simple, women just want to be listened to. However, it doesn’t end there. They desire to be understood as well.

Women have a gift known as “female intuition”. This gift is very valuable, yet dangerous. Female intuition is a women’s impression that something might be the case without having all of the facts and details of the situation. For example, a woman can usually tell when she is being lied to just by observing another person’s body language. Furthermore, women have the intuitive ability to read into other women’s ulterior motives. This is useful when a woman is trying to protect her own relationship or the relationship of a loved one. Female intuition will let a woman know whether or not someone else has evil intentions. Female intuition is dangerous when it’s abused. Some women can mistake their own insecurities for female intuition. It’s important to be able to determine the difference between intuition and insecurity.

A relationship is the bond between two or more people. Women thrive on developing relationships. This stems from their innate desire and ability to bond with others. In order to successfully relate to a woman you must be able to speak her language or at least try to understand what she is trying to communicate. Getting involved in relationships can be rewarding, yet complicated. The key to any lasting relationship is communication. The downfall of a relationship is female intuition. A woman can sense when something is not right in her connection with others. She has two solutions-run away or confront the issue. Either method will cause a strain on the relationship.

It’s often stated that women are complex beings. In reality, women are complex individuals only when they are misunderstood. Generally, women migrate toward other women because they understand one another. Unfortunately, it’s not as easy for men and women to speak the same language. Ironically, the world could not go on if male and female did not relate to each other in one form or another.

Author–Hellen

If you are a guy:
Be polite! As they always say, politeness doesn’t cost anything. Any lover likes to be treated with respect and appreciation by their new flame. Politeness is an easy, socially acceptable way to show respect and interest. It is also a very straight laced way of wooing someone, but wooing it still is, and it might work wonders. Politeness still has the air of old fashioned chivalry and romantic liaisons and who can resist being treated like the queen of someone’s world?

Be flirtatious. This is the part where you can show your passionate, playful and maybe slightly devious side. Flirtation is fun, exciting and sexy. You can show that you have some sharper edges so that you don’t end up in the ‘boring lover’ category. Falling in love is about excitement, taking risks and playing with fire. Flirtation is a good way to show your darker side.

Have her in mind. Having someone in mind means that you are mindful of them, that you have a sense of what is going on for them and are accounting for that. Mindfulness is often portrayed as a female quality, but men can learn it too even if it takes some practice. Being at the receiving end of someone’s mindfulness is slightly magical, like feeling truly known and deeply connected.

Author–KingSolomin